pace back and forth in the kitchen,
and when he comes home
tell him that you are unhappy.
he will look hurt but not surprised.
start to walk away as he says
something like “Things can get better”
or “I can change”. and for this you will hate him.
say that you will take a walk
and before he can catch up to you, add ‘alone’
when you get back, find him
at the kitchen table
with a glass of wine. sit across from him
and tell him that you are pregnant.
before a year, there are medical complications
there wont ever be anything conclusive only a rash of tests
the thought occurs to you
that you are waiting for something to die.
have a child together and then bury it.
tell him again that you’re unhappy,
and hate him more for silently
putting a hand on your cold shoulder
there wont ever be anything conclusive only a rash of tests
start to find excuses not to be with him.
sit alone at cafes and hope he is having an affair
but when a man offers to buy you coffee,
let him. have the affair for your husband
wake up early to think about what would
make you happy and brew
a warm cup of coffee, but not for him.
don’t say anything when your husband starts
to play piano or learns your favorite song.
don’t look at him when he glances at you for approval.
let his fingers trip over the keys
and let the notes be heavy and dry,
hope they are painful for him to play
even though you know he will keep practicing.
there wont ever be anything conclusive only a rash of tests